Horoscope Patterns

The Geisha-Gigolo Complex

Apr 11, 2023

Even though I am a medical astrologer, I do occasionally get roped into doing the usual bread and butter types of consultations on compatibility . . . so I felt to devote one tiny essay to this topic.

Most of us are not perfect . . . yet. So, we are incarnating with a mixture of, shall we say, assets and liabilities. We have mastered a few gifts from the Creator and were perhaps born with talents that were quick to manifest. Then, we have some lessons to learn; and we may not even realize what is a lesson and what is an experience of some description or other.

Let me preface this with a little story. My father was in aerospace, very nerdy; but after my mother left him, he did some Jungian analysis and later took up astrology. I was pushing 30 when he handed me a piece of paper. I said, “What’ this?” He said, “I’m going to marry her.” I blurted out, “Another Piscean named Ruth!” He replied, “Yes, it’s easier to make a mistake you are used to than a brand new one.” The really funny thing is my mother also remarried, and her new husband had also previously been married to someone named Ruth.

The partner in the horoscope is denoted by the seventh house which my teacher, Ivy Jacobson, said was where you agree to disagree. Some people are real challenges whereas others might be so easy that partnering is not really an issue for either person. Alas, this is often not the case so we need some insight and humor to navigate the landmines.

Besides what every astrologer knows about compatibility, I have two little tricks. The first is to take a pattern and try to give it a name that is both fitting and a little warm and fuzzy. It goes without saying that some patterns are more vexing than other patterns, but I will try to keep this civil.

There are people who adapt very easily. Let’s say the issue is what to eat for dinner or what to watch on television.

“What would you like for dinner?”

“Oh, anything you want is fine with me.”

This is rarely, however, straight fact.

“Actually, I am tired of cooking and want to go out to dinner, maybe to a Thai restaurant with wonderful atmosphere. Come to think of it, some music would be nice. How about a pizza place with an phenomenal guitarist? Truth be told, I’m salivating.”

“Actually, honey, I was thinking of something quick and simple so we can watch the baseball game tonight.”

What happens? If they end up with finger food and a humungous bowl of popcorn, there is probably a highly versatile and flexible geisha in the room, someone who can perhaps play an instrument and dance or talk golf until the sun sets.

If they end up at the pizza place, there is a very accommodating gigolo who will help put on a coat, do the driving, pull her chair out for her, and ask her what looks most appealing on the menu.

An astrologer who gets in the middle of this dynamic is surely not going to want to hear what is said behind the back, but the fact is that at least one person is probably not being authentic. Sometimes, neither person will compromise, and sometimes, both will bend over backwards to please. Unless tangled up with a narcissist, we generally expect some give and take; but the fact is that some people are always yielding and others take advantage of their acquiescence.

So, the game is to identify the pattern and give it a name, like the Geisha-Gigolo Complex. Now, we know that the goal is to express one’s interests and desires more openly and clearly so there can be more balance in the interactions. Both people in the relationship need to accept the goal and then to find ways to encourage more give and take. Giving a nickname to the game and the pattern helps a lot.

Over the years, students and clients have sometimes been fierce and used very strong words to define the more forceful person in the relationship, you can imagine a tyrant being forced to see his or her reflection. I encourage humor.

In the past, which may be long gone, there was a fabulous greeting card shop in Santa Fe, and I started by sending my students there. They were to select three cards that represented different parts of themselves: Moon, Sun, and Rising Sign. If they wanted more than three cards such as the Moon at its saddest and Moon at its happiest, that was fine. They were to keep these cards forever and share them with the people closest to them when the time was just right, meaning when the important other is really paying attention and listening.

The Internet ought to provide a few alternatives to the brick and mortar card shop.

The next step was to take a nickname that represented the issues that were unresolved. If there were issues in the relationship, both people were to have nicknames that could be spoken when tensions were building up. These are not always as simple as the Geisha-Gigolo Complex. One person may be a real nightmare, and some people really know how to fight; but unless the underlying issues are resolved, there is just a lot of unpleasant noise, and, with any luck, an eventual apology. Of course, some people are absolutely always right, and this is going to take a lot of effort to balance.

The point is to take one very deep breath before unleashing the demons and then try to resolve the issues before hitting critical mass. So, this is when you softly speak the nickname. That is a signal for time out and peace to handle the issue with more maturity and respect.

The nickname sometimes comes very easily and sometimes takes a lot of effort. One can begin by thinking of characters in novels or films, people in history, or one can think of adjectives such as those associated with hobbies or special interests. Maybe you want to look at Putin and think to yourself, “Perhaps, his idol in life should be Gandhi, not Napoleon.” Should the nickname be Gandhi? Should the warning refer to Napoleon? Maybe neither, but how will history remember him? If I suggest something like this; I am not really taking sides, but I do not believe anyone should shoot another living being so the real issue is skillful means, not the place in history.

One might want to invoke the deeply buried love of peace by just having one word that we associate with Gandhi like "Ahimsa” or maybe the reference is to the Salt March or just a simple “Namaskar” greeting.

This takes us a bit off topic because I started with archetypes of people who go out of their way to please rather than to seize. We can however find the right names. For instance, I had friend who visited very often and took over my kitchen so I called her Pasta Mama. It was always said with warmth and humor, but clearly meant that in addition to whatever she was making, she was hogging the counter space. She was, fortunately, a good cook so it was fine, but this was also a habit brought from her house to my house where there were no children to feed.

In the comments section, you can share your ideas of nicknames you found that helped you to navigate issues and perhaps empower people who were abdicating their sovereignty in an effort to get along with others.

Image Credits:

¹ Geisha: Tampatra1| Dreamstime.com

Music:

Gino d’Auri, “Las Minas” (The Mines) from the Album Flamenco Mystico.

Ingrid’s Substack

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